2001 GO winner: first place in TOS humor, first place in TOS challenge.

"Life Is But A Dream"
by Ellen Fremedon

Enterprise-A Shakedown Cruise
Day 1
23:47

"Spock?"

"Mrrm."

"Spock, are you awake?"

"I am now, Jim."

"Spock, I just had the oddest dream."

"Is it of vital importance that we discuss this now?"

"No, you want to hear this, Spock, it was... bizarre. I dreamed that you and I and McCoy were camping in Yosemite."

"I would not describe this scenario as 'bizarre,' Jim."

"Well, not that part of it, no. But the rest of it-- I dreamed that you were toasting marsh melons."

"Do you not mean 'marshmallows'?"

"Well, they looked like marshmallows, but you were extruding them from some sort of silver cylinder. And you definitely called them melons."

"Fascinating."

"And then we all sang 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat.'"

"Indeed."

"And then in the morning I climbed El Capitan, only I fell off."

"Dreams of falling are not uncommon, t'hy'la."

"Only you caught me just before I hit the ground."

"Sparing you the last meter or two of such a fall would not in any way affect your odds of survival, Jim."

"But you weren't on the ground. You were floating in the air beside me. I think you were wearing some kind of rocket boots."

"Rocket boots."

"And you just sort of... zoomed down and caught me."

"Jim, this would violate more laws of physics than I care to enumerate at such a late hour. Even assuming I could match your acceleration and--"

"--Spock, it's a dream. It doesn't have to follow the laws of physics. At any rate, that's not the strange part. The strange part is that all the time I was falling, I wasn't afraid, because I knew that I wasn't going to die."

"This is the strange part?"

"You don't think so?"

"Given that physical law was otherwise in abeyance, your lack of fear is quite logical. Now go to sleep, Jim."

Enterprise-A Shakedown Cruise
Day 2
01:06

"Spock. Spock. Spock."

"What is it, t'hy'la?"

"Spock, you're an only child, right?"

"Jim, you have known I am an only child for seventeen years, two months--"

"No half-siblings?"

"I believe I said that."

"Sarek was never married to a Vulcan princess?"

"Jim, there is no royalty on Vulcan. Are these questions prompted by another dream?"

"It just seemed so real. You had this... half-brother. Only he was-- emotionally expressive. He laughed, and smiled. You just stood there and let him take over the ship."

"Jim, in light of my recent recovery of my memories, and the renewal of our bond, the symbolism seems obvious. This emotional 'half-brother' and his power play represent my human half, surfacing and asserting its presence."

"Hmm. I suppose it is pretty transparent, when you look at it like that."

"..."

"He had a beard."

"..."

"Spock?"

"No, Jim."

"It looked good on your mirror counterpart."

"Go to sleep, Jim."

Enterprise-A Shakedown Cruise
Day 2
02:38

"Spock."

"Hrmm."

"Spock, were you born in a cave?"

"Hrmm."

"Spock, you're not listening."

"Hrphh-- Jim, please return the pillow."

"Only if you put your head on top of it, not underneath."

"..."

"That's better. Spock, you weren't born in a cave, were you?"

"A cave?"

"A cave. I just dreamed that-- well, it was weird. You were being born, and Sarek was there, but you were there too, the age you are now, sort of looking on. And the brother with the beard was sort of looking on, too, and so was I. Only we weren't really there."

"I was born in the Obstetric Clinic of the VSA Hospital, Jim. There are no caves anywhere in the hospital complex. Please, go back to sleep."

Enterprise-A Shakedown Cruise
Day 2
03:14

"Spock. Spock, wake up."

"Jim?"

"Spock, I dreamed that there was a mutiny. That brother of yours-- I don't quite understand how, but he sort of brainwashed the crew, and Sulu and Uhura and Chekov all went over to his side, and there were some Klingons there too; I can't quite remember how they were involved, but they were there. And there was this... this barrier thing. Some sort of blue cloud around the galactic core."

"Are you certain you were not dreaming of the purple barrier we encountered at the galactic edge? Each time we traversed it, it was under circumstances which threatened or nullified your control over your ship and crew."

"And there was some sort of being there. Some sort of god. Or it was calling itself a god. Or someone thought it was a god. Something like that. Your brother was looking for heaven inside the blue barrier."

"Vulcan cosmogony does not recognize a heaven. Though as I said, this brother would seem to stand for my human side."

"And he wanted to take my pain away, and I wouldn't let him."

"'Take your pain away?' To what pain are you referring?"

"I'm-- not really sure. It didn't make a lot of sense, even at the time. But it was the strangest thing, Spock-- I actually was feeling pain in the dream. All over. God, look at me, I'm still sweating like a horse. Actually, there were some horses in the dream, too."

"This does not surprise me, t'hy'la. Have you recovered from this mysterious pain?"

"You know, I don't think I have. It's... oof. God. My joints ache, Spock. I don't know why that dream should have got me so wound up. My heart is racing."

"Your heart rate is indeed elevated, t'hy'la. And-- Jim, you are feverish. I believe tonight's dreams are more likely a symptom of illness than a window into your psyche."

"Illness?"

"Our stay in the twentieth century would have exposed us to pathogens our modern vaccines were never intended for; and the stress of the mission and the hearing could have compromised your immune system-- to say nothing of our unintended swim in the Pacific."

"Now that you mention it, Spock, I do feel a little... urm. Woozy."

"Woozy?"

"Disoriented. Queasy. Like I might--"

"Jim?"

"Out of my way, Spock!"

"Computer, lights at forty percent."

"..."

"Doctor McCoy, please report to the captain's quarters. Jim is ill. Yes. Vivid nightmares, mild fever, myalgia and naus-- correction, and vomiting. Affirmative. Very well; Spock out."

"..."

"Computer, human electrolyte balance solution."

"..."

"Jim. Drink this; it is important that you not become dehydrated."

"Thanks."

"Go back to bed, t'hy'la; Doctor McCoy will be here shortly."

"I'm afraid if I lie back down, I'll have more dreams like that."

"I can ensure that your sleep is dreamless, if you wish it, t'hy'la."

"Could you? I really don't want to see what else my unconscious comes up with. Next I'll probably start dreaming about... immortal llama-herders, or invisible androids singing Gilbert and Sullivan, or something."

"The prospect seems as unlikely as it does unpleasant, t'hy'la, but I can prevent these nightmares from recurring. Now rest; you will dream no more tonight, I promise."

/-end-/

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